One of the most significant problems that perfectionists face is the fear that if they stop shooting for perfection, they will become low achievers and their goals will go by the wayside.
Let this reassure you: Letting go of perfectionist attitudes can actually help you to excel more! Perfectionists actually achieve less than those with healthier attitudes, because their focus on perfection robs them of motivation and can bring on procrastination and other self-defeating behaviors. With that said, here are some important steps you can take to maintain a healthier attitude. Take a closer look at your perfectionistic traits.
Perfectionism has many negative consequences, and you may be experiencing several of them right now. You may not realize how pervasive perfectionism can be. This will help you become more aware of perfectionistic thoughts as they come to you in the future.
You may just naturally look for it, and notice it above all other things. While this habit may be difficult to just stop, you can soften your tendency to notice the bad by making a conscious effort to notice all that is good with your work and the achievements of others.
This will balance out your critical focus and become a positive new habit. Perfectionists tend to set goals of unreasonable excellence with no learning curve. These goals tend to be unrealistic and cause problems by being so rigidly demanding and leaving little room for error. Instead, you can reduce a lot of stress by changing your goals.
For example, you may normally tackle the task of getting into better shape by working out five times a week. You may be used to focusing on results, and beating yourself up if your results are less than perfect. The previous suggestion setting baby steps can help you create more of an enjoyable process out of your striving.
One important way to recover from perfectionism is to begin focusing more on the process of reaching toward a goal, rather than just focusing on the goal itself.
If you tend to look at criticism as an attack, reacting defensively, an attitude change can help. Constructive criticism can give you important clues on how to improve your performance, making your less-than-perfect performances into useful stepping stones that lead to excellence. We explain what it is, symptoms, treatment, and more. Here are psychologists' take on it. An introvert is often thought of as a quiet, reserved, and thoughtful individual. Experts say the COVID pandemic added to the stresses of job insecurity and food shortages already felt by People of Color and young adults.
You've heard the term countless times, but what does having a type A personality actually mean? We'll go over common traits, how they compare to type…. Psychologists and psychiatrists have a lot in common, but they also have some key differences.
Nothing is. If you have misophonia, certain sounds might trigger intense irritation, disgust, and physical discomfort. Get the details on symptoms, treatments…. Health Conditions Discover Plan Connect. Mental Health. Medically reviewed by Timothy J. Legg, Ph. Symptoms Causes Treatment Prevention What is perfectionism? Kircher-Morris helped the client break down all the skills she had accomplished in pursuit of that goal, such as learning how to do a cartwheel and roundoff.
That, sometimes, is a little bit easier to conceptualize. Most people equate perfectionism with overstriving and overachieving. Perfectionism manifests in different ways, Kircher-Morris points out. They use the same amount of task-based coping and emotion-based coping, but the avoidance-based coping seems to be very, very high for maladaptive perfectionists compared to an adaptive one.
Kircher-Morris agrees that counselors should help clients understand what they are avoiding. For example, imagine a student who avoids going to medical school based on a fear of doing well at school only to discover that he or she hates being a doctor and is unhappy. Socially prescribed perfectionism extends beyond the microcosm of the nuclear family, Kircher-Morris says. Kircher-Morris recalls a client who chose a college degree program based on the respect he thought it would garner from others rather than based on his own interests.
The client had struggled in high school, so he wanted to prove to others that he was capable. To offset these societal pressures, counselors can help clients become aware of their own personal goals and ways to measure success for themselves, Kircher-Morris suggests. This might include guiding clients to figure out what is at the root of their motivation to get into a particular school or to achieve a certain ACT score, she says.
Kircher-Morris has also noticed a connection between perfectionism and people who are gifted or of high ability. People who are gifted are often told that they are smart, so they internalize this quality as a part of their identity, she continues. Then she points out how they could apply those same skills to their current situation.
Counselors might also encourage clients to find their own comparisons, which facilitates independence, she adds. Many parents also feel the pressure to be perfect. Counselors can help parents reframe this negative line of thinking. One method is to have them consider how allowing children to make mistakes is actually a sign of good parenting because it helps children learn, grow and become independent, Kircher-Morris says. Rather than hide their vulnerability, parents can talk through their feelings and model how to handle the stress.
For example, if a parent is anxious about a phone call or a meeting, the parent can share that feeling with the child and show the child how he or she would handle the situation. Kircher-Morris also finds that parents sometimes unintentionally facilitate perfectionism in their children. For instance, when a child brings home a school assignment, parents might focus on the errors and have the child correct them. Parents might also offer praise whenever the child scores percent but question the child otherwise e.
Instead, counselors can help parents learn to focus on the process, not the outcome, Kircher-Morris advises. What did you get out of the assignment? What was the area of struggle?
Second, having a perfect attendance award causes some children to come to school even when they are sick just to get the award. These types of rewards set up an unreasonable standard, Gemert said. The emphasis on experimenting is also a way of modeling flexibility, Fier stresses. Then, the next week she may ask them to engage in this practice for five minutes every day or every other day.
Again, counselors should emphasize that they are experimenting and exploring what works for the client, she says. Kircher-Morris also finds it helpful to frame counseling activities as experiments.
She tells them that together, they will come up with a hypothesis and test it out. Kircher-Morris adds that this technique is similar to prescribing the symptom or systematic desensitization a method that gradually exposes a person to an anxiety-producing stimulus and substitutes a relaxation response for the anxious one.
As scientists, clients also collect data. Kircher-Morris asks clients to document every time that they procrastinate on an assignment, think they are going to mess up or believe they have to do something perfectly.
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